I’m
feeling a bit depressed today - kind of a delayed reaction. This has been a
week for goodbyes, it seems.
After
just over 14 months, I was expecting to say goodbye to my Divorce Care
(support) group next Tuesday night,
but I was there early this week to get set up for dinner and took a few minutes
to go into the sanctuary to pray. (I love going in there by myself - it’s the
most peaceful place…) Anyway, I heard God tell me, “it’s time – tonight.” I felt Him impress on me that whatever
future plans were made for the group, I wasn’t to be part of them. I admit I was
a little surprised, but was also at peace with it. I trust Him and know that
somehow it’s all going to work out to be in my best interest. “And we know that in all things God works
for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans
8:28)
Judy, our group leader, has referred to Divorce Care as “the emergency room.” I know my healing isn’t 100% complete yet, but
I’ve definitely healed to the point where I don’t belong in the emergency room
anymore. For a long time I thought I’d just stay indefinitely to be another source of support for others in the group, but it seems as though God has other plans
for me (He hasn’t clued me in on what they are yet though).
Anyway,
sitting there listening to Judy talk about what was coming up I really wanted
to put it off. “What could another week or two hurt?” But I know better than to
disobey God. He has a reason for everything He asks of us, so it all boils down
to trust. “Trust in
the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs
3:5-6 – I know I quote this a lot, but it’s one of my favorite verses). So it’s
a definite no-brainer for me. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “It’s my
way or the highway.” Well changing that to, “It’s God’s way all the way,” would
be more in line with the way I think.
Bruce, our former co-leader, used to say that our group isn’t a club that anyone
would want to join, but if we had to
go through something like this, we were glad we could go through it together. (Then
I started saying it!) They have
become like family to me. I don’t think I can adequately express how much
they’ve helped me and how much I’m going to miss seeing them every Tuesday
night. While I know that God has great things in store for me and I can’t start
a new chapter without closing the current one, the group has been such a HUGE
part of my life for the past 14 months that not seeing these people every week
is going to be a BIG adjustment. Even though I know I'll definitely see some of them again, I feel like I’m grieving a little bit – I miss everyone
already.
~~~
Then
yesterday my family said goodbye to the wonderful man my Aunt Janet
has been happily married to for the past twelve years. His death late Sunday
night was unexpected.
Honest
to God, their relationship was straight out of a fairy tale. In the 44 years
I’ve known her, I cannot ever remember seeing my aunt as happy as she was for
the last dozen – I seriously doubt her feet hit the ground once. They
absolutely adored each other and it’s not an exaggeration to say that they both
positively glowed with happiness for their entire marriage.
David
was one of those people who, when you were talking with him, would make you
feel special just by virtue of the thoughtful way he listened to you. I wish
I’d taken the opportunity to tell him that.
Every
time my aunt or my cousin, Dawn, would glance over at the casket, realizing
anew each time that they have to live the rest of their lives without him,
they’d start crying again. Losing a family member is always sad, but my heart is absolutely aching for them, my cousin
Brian, and for David’s son, Jonathan. I just want to do something to take away their pain, but there's nothing I can do except love them, pray for them, and just be here if they need me.
~~~
So
yeah… definitely feeling depressed today (I’m the queen of delayed reactions). After dinner I think I’ll just go read and pray myself to sleep. Then I only
have one more day to work and I don’t have to go back till the 22nd.
I still love, love, love my job, but
I am in desperate need of some quality “me time.” I just find it interesting that
the week I chose to take off falls at a time of change. Coincidence? I’d say
yes if I believed in coincidences. Personally I think it was more of a
God-cidence.
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