Oscar Wilde said that 'work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.' Apparently God thinks I have better things to do.

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." -- Confucius

I’m trying, Confucius, I’m trying!

Good grief, but job hunting is brutal. BRUTAL, I tell you! I have even gone for an interview for a part time retail position for $8.00 an hour (RETAIL!) and wasn’t called back with a job offer. And when I say ‘part-time’ I mean fluctuating anywhere between 8 – 20 hours per week. Yeah. That’d be lucrative. Still, the no-call-back thing didn’t do much for my already low, kicked-in-the-teeth, thwacked-on-the-head-repeatedly-with-a-bag-of-rocks self-esteem.

Now don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with retail, but come on. It doesn’t take a flipping Master’s Degree to sell craft supplies to hordes of frenzied women who’d think nothing of trampling each other to death to be first in line to fill their shopping carts with 12x12 sheets of scrapbooking paper on sale for twenty-five cents apiece, or skeins of Red Heart Yarn on sale for $1.99 each to appease their latest, crafters version of G.A.S. (that’s “Gear Acquisition Syndrome” for all of you who don’t speak musician-ese) Not only am I incredibly bright (and exceptionally humble, as we’ve already established) but I’ve been a crafter/scrapbooker for many years. The only thing I can possibly think of that could have made the woman decide against me is that I’ve never used the Cricut machine. (It's a scrapbooking tool.) Come on, really? Everything else was very positive and we got along great. Or so I thought. *sigh* Ah… whatever. I didn’t really want to work there anyway. *blows raspberry*

Honestly, for someone who likes to change decor as often as I do (which translates to switching out accessories at an alarming rate) if I’m going to work retail, I’d MUCH rather work at Pier 1. I can’t think of a better place to get an employee discount! (please ignore the drool dripping down my chin) I just discovered there’s a position open in a nearby store, so I applied. I got a form e-mail this morning thanking me for my interest in Pier 1, letting me know they’d review my resume and would contact me within the next two weeks if they’re interested in interviewing me.

However I have an interview in the morning at Rotmans for part time office help, so even though I know I’d love the perks of working at Pier 1, if I had a choice between the two I’d rather get the office job. In addition to the fact that working in an office is the way I'd rather go career-wise, the hours are perfect. (M- F 9:00 am to 2:00 pm)  With those hours I’d be able to put in an hour and a half to two hours every afternoon in the Animal Rescue League office after getting out of work, and I wouldn’t be too tired to put in some major volunteer time on the weekends too. Win/win/win. (“Ask yourself, "If all jobs paid $2 an hour, what job would I want to do?" When you answer that question, start doing it, even if you have to do it for free at first” --Greg Aldrik)

Argh! For the love of friggin’ corn, I just need someone to take a chance on me! No, I haven’t had a job in a while (my husband has been supporting us), but I’m warm, friendly, smart, quick on the uptake, cute as a button (right? I’m cute! Say I’m cute!), and any business’d be lucky to have me. Seriously though, I think I’d be a great addition to any business/office. I get along great with pretty much anyone and work very well with others. (There’s no “I” in “team”, folks! Rah-rah-sis-boom-bah!) I’m moving into my own apartment in a month, so needless to say, I’m praying like a crazy person and sending out resumes left and right.

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." -- Milton Berle

Hmm…

Where did I put that hammer?

Dancing Leads to Self Discovery (Get it? Dancing LEADS? Ha!)

Nobody cares if you can't dance well.  Just get up and dance.  ~Dave Barry

And so I did.

I went to hear Frank's band on Friday night. At one point late in the evening I was standing next to a couple of girlfriends and swaying a bit to the music, when a young man (not bad looking either!) came up and started dancing with me. He took my hand and asked me to join him on the dance floor and I thought, "oh, what the heck?" (Is it really a 'dance floor' though if it's carpeted? Humph. We'll have to explore that question in a separate blog post.)

Anyway, I danced with him. I have to say he was a REALLY good dancer. He had me spinning all over the place and he kept me from losing my balance at the same time (not an easy feat with my vestibular/middle ear issues). But after two songs I was hot and my left knee was feeling a little sore, so I just needed to sit and sip my drink for a bit. Apparently though this guy (I'd put him in his mid-late twenties at the oldest) seemed to think that dancing through two songs meant we're going steady. He hovered over me for awhile, wanting me to go back on the dance floor. I told him nicely (more than once) that I really needed to sit, and I pulled my friend Lisa down on the seat next to me and when he finally nodded, smiled, and walked away, thought that would be the end of it.

No such luck. He came back two minutes later when Lisa got up from the seat and a new song started. He leaned in toward me, cupped his hand around the side of my head (a very intimate gesture - TOO intimate considering the circumstances, I think) and said something (music was loud) and nodded to the dance floor. I had a set list in front of me so I knew when they were going to play the songs I liked to dance to, so I told him nicely I'd dance to a couple of songs next set but right then I needed to sit. He wandered back to his friends, and since Lisa hadn't come back to the table (she was weirded out by his hovering) I got up and went over to the table where my son and his girlfriend were sitting with a bunch of their friends, about halfway across the room.

Standing near their table, I parked myself between two of the guys, one of whom Kevin had been friends with since he was a kid and who I think of as one of my 'honorary kids'. I told him I was hiding out from the guy I had been dancing with and asked him to run interference if he saw him hanging all over me again. He told me he had my back. (such good boy!)

At that point I saw the guy get up and look at the booth where I'd been sitting, then he started heading in my general direction. I deliberately looked right at my son's friend, smiling at him while listening to him talk about his girlfriend, and even gave him a hug for good measure. (I know, I'm just a big old coward.) The guy hesitated for a split second as he passed in front of me, but he kept walking. I think he left then because I didn't see him for the rest of the night. (Whew!) When my son danced with me to one of my favorite songs a little while later, I was amused to discover that he hadn't noticed me dancing with the guy at all. There were only a couple of other people on the floor when we were dancing, so I don't know how he could've missed us. His conversation must've been pretty interesting!

I figured the guy must be drunk (why else would he want to hang all over me?) but he really didn't look or act drunk. Maybe he had a drink or two earlier and that loosened him up a bit, but he really did seem to be in full possession of his faculties. He obviously didn't notice my wedding rings, (no, I haven't taken them off yet - I am still married after all) so maybe at first he thought I was a cougar then was disappointed to find I wasn't on the prowl after all. Maybe? Ah, I don't know. It doesn't really matter.

Dancing is just discovery, discovery, discovery.  ~Martha Graham

The guy made me a little uncomfortable, but I'm grateful too because I discovered something. I discovered that I am not anywhere near ready to be in another man's arms - even casually just for a dance or two. I'd feel differently if it were a family member or a long-time friend and there was no pressure or worry about his intentions. But barring a scenario like that, I realized I need to just keep within my comfort zone. And my comfort zone is practically shouting at me, "Don't. Don't force yourself to do something you're uncomfortable doing just because you feel you need to 'prove' that you're ok with everything that's happening. Because you're not ok with it and you don't need to be. What you need to do is just be true to yourself and the people that honestly care about you will respect you and your boundaries regardless of whether they agree with you or not." (hmm... my comfort zone is pretty smart)

So that's where I'm at. Not only am I not remotely interested in dating right now, I'm tired of pretending to myself that I'm ok with even thinking about dating. I've been married for eighteen years and the day I married Frank I vowed to God, in the company of our family and friends, that I'd be faithful to him for the rest of my life. That being the case, I don't forsee myself being ok with dating for a good while yet. I have no idea how long it will take, but I won't be rushed. And you know what? I think that's perfectly ok.

Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.  ~Unknown